Joys and challenges of the 6 weeks of summer holidays
Lisa Cook Articles, Christine Lithgow Smith
So…. the summer holidays are finally here. You may feel like you’ve just crossed the finish line from the turmoil of school or be anxious of such a long period ahead with no pre-school and over crowded local attractions. Wherever you are at, Christine Lithgow-Smith, local Marlow Mum Coach talks to us about how to have a happy holiday.
So…. the summer holidays are finally here. You may feel like you’ve just crossed the finish line from the turmoil of school or be anxious of such a long period ahead with no pre-school and over crowded local attractions. Wherever you are at, Christine Lithgow-Smith, local Marlow Mum Coach talks to us about how to have a happy holiday.
Hello ladies. I trust you’ve all been enjoying this gorgeous stretch of sunshine that we’ve been lucky enough to experience over the past few weeks. I know I have. I’ve had the privilege of celebrating my younger brother’s graduation at the Rebellion Charity Weekend, attending the Henley Regatta twice and witnessing some amazing performances by my little one at Stagecoach and Ballet. I’ve loved every minute of it, and I hope you’ve had an equally wonderful start to the summer.
It hasn’t been all play for me. Alongside of my motherly and wifely duties I’ve been working hard with old and new clients, at home and abroad, training and exploring what a PhD entails (mad, I know). When Lisa asked me to share some advice to help you through the joys and challenges of the summer holidays, I thought about what I could share that will be useful. Talking to friends, the summer holidays fall into a number of categories for us Mums:
Hello ladies. I trust you’ve all been enjoying this gorgeous stretch of sunshine that we’ve been lucky enough to experience over the past few weeks. I know I have. I’ve had the privilege of celebrating my younger brother’s graduation at the Rebellion Charity Weekend, attending the Henley Regatta twice and witnessing some amazing performances by my little one at Stagecoach and Ballet. I’ve loved every minute of it, and I hope you’ve had an equally wonderful start to the summer.
It hasn’t been all play for me. Alongside of my motherly and wifely duties I’ve been working hard with old and new clients, at home and abroad, training and exploring what a PhD entails (mad, I know). When Lisa asked me to share some advice to help you through the joys and challenges of the summer holidays, I thought about what I could share that will be useful. Talking to friends, the summer holidays fall into a number of categories for us Mums:
- Going Away (with kids)
- Staying at home (with kids)
- Have to work (can’t take kids)
- Going Away (with kids)
- Staying at home (with kids)
- Have to work (can’t take kids)
There is a myriad of complexity within all of those. Some people are going somewhere lovely with their partner and kid(s). Others are doing the same with family or friends in tow. Some are self-catering, others all-inclusive and there are those lucky enough to have a holiday home with people there to take care of us. There are also those Mums who can’t take much time away from work and are relying on partners, family, friends and holiday clubs to help. Others, like me, have a mix. So, my challenge is, what can I offer that will is helpful for you all?
The one thing that everyone has to do, in addition to balancing our schedule, is to deal with the mix of people around us. For example, going away with friends can be amazing. Especially if you have some things in common: kids around the same age that will play together, the same budget in mind and your taste in wine. It can also be more frustrating that we ever imagined. Let me give you an example. I hate to plan. At work I have to plan. But in my personal life, an ideal day’s holiday for me involves waking up when I wake up. Having a lazy breakfast and wandering outside to see what my holiday location has in store. The best days I can remember involving unexpected encounters in beautiful location or meeting someone new and heading somewhere new. Some of you will know exactly what I mean. Others will be horrified. The idea of an unplanned day may even evoke a deep sense of anxiety within you, your heart may start to beat faster than it should, and an inexplicable panic may set in.
If that is you, don’t worry: it’s perfectly normal.
The thing is, we’re not all the same. We all look relatively similar: head, arms, legs etc. Some might be packaged a bit nicer, but we all look the same. It’s inside that we’re different. The way we think varies from person to person and, often, this difference between us can create conflict. And what is the last thing we want this summer?
Part of my training has involved becoming a practitioner in something called Myers-Briggs or MBTI®. You may have heard of this already through work, studies or school. It’s based on some work originated by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, that has been developed over the past 50 years or so; most notably by an amazing woman, also a Mum, Isabel Briggs Myers. The focus is on personality type and how there are normal, natural differences between healthy people. Understanding these can help us in many ways, not least in avoiding and resolving conflict.
The theory shows that despite our differences, there are only 16 personality types in the whole world. Interestingly the research is global, so whilst our environment does impact our personality, whether you are born in sunny California or Antarctica your personality will fit into one of the types. How is this helpful? Well, someone with an opposing type experiences the world differently to you and that is the cause of many conflicts within relationships.
What you need to know for a happy holiday
These 16 personality types are determined by our preferences, so how you prefer to be or act. There are four sets of preferences that mix in different ways that determine a personality type and potentially, how we approach different situations. It’s these preference’s I’d like to share.
Before we begin, let’s get clear on preference. Little experiment. Pick up a pen and write your signature on a piece of paper. Whatever hand you chose. That’s your preference. Now, change hands and repeat the process. How did it feel? Awkward? Uncomfortable? Difficult? That’s because it’s not your preference. It is not your favourite way to write. The important thing to note is you can write with your non-preferred hand. You may even be able to learn how to write better with than one than your preferred. But it will always feel better and more natural in your preferred hand.
Going back to personality, yours will be made up from one of each of the eight areas below. For fun, pick one box from each line that best describes you. Then, try to think of someone you know who is the opposite and the sort of frustrations that difference has led to in the past.
There is a myriad of complexity within all of those. Some people are going somewhere lovely with their partner and kid(s). Others are doing the same with family or friends in tow. Some are self-catering, others all-inclusive and there are those lucky enough to have a holiday home with people there to take care of us. There are also those Mums who can’t take much time away from work and are relying on partners, family, friends and holiday clubs to help. Others, like me, have a mix. So, my challenge is, what can I offer that will is helpful for you all?
The one thing that everyone has to do, in addition to balancing our schedule, is to deal with the mix of people around us. For example, going away with friends can be amazing. Especially if you have some things in common: kids around the same age that will play together, the same budget in mind and your taste in wine. It can also be more frustrating that we ever imagined. Let me give you an example. I hate to plan. At work I have to plan. But in my personal life, an ideal day’s holiday for me involves waking up when I wake up. Having a lazy breakfast and wandering outside to see what my holiday location has in store. The best days I can remember involving unexpected encounters in beautiful location or meeting someone new and heading somewhere new. Some of you will know exactly what I mean. Others will be horrified. The idea of an unplanned day may even evoke a deep sense of anxiety within you, your heart may start to beat faster than it should, and an inexplicable panic may set in.
If that is you, don’t worry: it’s perfectly normal.
The thing is, we’re not all the same. We all look relatively similar: head, arms, legs etc. Some might be packaged a bit nicer, but we all look the same. It’s inside that we’re different. The way we think varies from person to person and, often, this difference between us can create conflict. And what is the last thing we want this summer?
Part of my training has involved becoming a practitioner in something called Myers-Briggs or MBTI®. You may have heard of this already through work, studies or school. It’s based on some work originated by Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, that has been developed over the past 50 years or so; most notably by an amazing woman, also a Mum, Isabel Briggs Myers. The focus is on personality type and how there are normal, natural differences between healthy people. Understanding these can help us in many ways, not least in avoiding and resolving conflict.
The theory shows that despite our differences, there are only 16 personality types in the whole world. Interestingly the research is global, so whilst our environment does impact our personality, whether you are born in sunny California or Antarctica your personality will fit into one of the types. How is this helpful? Well, someone with an opposing type experiences the world differently to you and that is the cause of many conflicts within relationships.
What you need to know for a happy holiday
These 16 personality types are determined by our preferences, so how you prefer to be or act. There are four sets of preferences that mix in different ways that determine a personality type and potentially, how we approach different situations. It’s these preference’s I’d like to share.
Before we begin, let’s get clear on preference. Little experiment. Pick up a pen and write your signature on a piece of paper. Whatever hand you chose. That’s your preference. Now, change hands and repeat the process. How did it feel? Awkward? Uncomfortable? Difficult? That’s because it’s not your preference. It is not your favourite way to write. The important thing to note is you can write with your non-preferred hand. You may even be able to learn how to write better with than one than your preferred. But it will always feel better and more natural in your preferred hand.
Going back to personality, yours will be made up from one of each of the eight areas below. For fun, pick one box from each line that best describes you. Then, try to think of someone you know who is the opposite and the sort of frustrations that difference has led to in the past.
For example, I’m from Essex originally and when I first met my husband, I took him to meet my Nan. We all jumped in the car. I sat in the back. My Nan was in the front and she busied herself telling him all about Southend, pointing out the pier, explaining the history of some famous areas in town. Unbeknown to her, I’d done the exact same thing the day before. Now, I can be a bit of a feeler. I knew she enjoyed welcoming people to my home town, so I smiled and enjoyed watching her chat to my new-found love. My hubby on the other hand is very logical. In his head she was droning on telling him useless information he already knew. He focused on driving safely. Imagine his surprise when she whacked him on the knee and shouted at him, upset he was ignoring her and told him he was rude! Just because his logical doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings. He was confused about this nice old lady attacking him in his car and dumbfounded at being called rude.
We all laugh about it now, but this is a great example of what happens when two people with opposite preferences get together and don’t realise, they are coming from different perspectives.
Top tip
This summer you will inevitably find yourself in similar situation where you can’t understand someone’s behaviour or you are frustrated by them – it might be tears or an angry response from one of your kids, it could be a lack of appreciation for your well thought-out plans, or confusion that others want to go to bed early. Whatever it is, when you start to feel frustrated, be aware. Be aware of the feelings you are having and why you are having them. Then remind yourself that whilst we look the same on the outside, we genuinely see the world differently to most people around us; so, put yourself in the other persons shoes and think about what’s going on for them. Most of the time there is a positive intention. Look for it.
Could it be that this person’s mind works differently from yours and it is that which is causing some friction? If so, acknowledge and embrace that difference. Your style will feel ‘right’ but generally a balanced approach works well for everyone.
And finally…
The other reason this is a good thing to understand is that when we act out of type – so signing with the opposite hand – it takes more energy. When we work in tune with our preferences, we are more in flow and we can make better use of our energy, or even get more! Pay attention to your energy levels over the holidays. Observe them in your kids and your partner as well; for example, do they need time alone or with others to recharge? As you notice what feels good for you, do a little more of that. If there isn’t enough of it, think about what you loved as a child and do some of that. Soak up the summer, recharge and enjoy. You deserve it.
For example, I’m from Essex originally and when I first met my husband, I took him to meet my Nan. We all jumped in the car. I sat in the back. My Nan was in the front and she busied herself telling him all about Southend, pointing out the pier, explaining the history of some famous areas in town. Unbeknown to her, I’d done the exact same thing the day before. Now, I can be a bit of a feeler. I knew she enjoyed welcoming people to my home town, so I smiled and enjoyed watching her chat to my new-found love. My hubby on the other hand is very logical. In his head she was droning on telling him useless information he already knew. He focused on driving safely. Imagine his surprise when she whacked him on the knee and shouted at him, upset he was ignoring her and told him he was rude! Just because his logical doesn’t mean he doesn’t have feelings. He was confused about this nice old lady attacking him in his car and dumbfounded at being called rude.
We all laugh about it now, but this is a great example of what happens when two people with opposite preferences get together and don’t realise, they are coming from different perspectives.
Top tip
This summer you will inevitably find yourself in similar situation where you can’t understand someone’s behaviour or you are frustrated by them – it might be tears or an angry response from one of your kids, it could be a lack of appreciation for your well thought-out plans, or confusion that others want to go to bed early. Whatever it is, when you start to feel frustrated, be aware. Be aware of the feelings you are having and why you are having them. Then remind yourself that whilst we look the same on the outside, we genuinely see the world differently to most people around us; so, put yourself in the other persons shoes and think about what’s going on for them. Most of the time there is a positive intention. Look for it.
Could it be that this person’s mind works differently from yours and it is that which is causing some friction? If so, acknowledge and embrace that difference. Your style will feel ‘right’ but generally a balanced approach works well for everyone.
And finally…
The other reason this is a good thing to understand is that when we act out of type – so signing with the opposite hand – it takes more energy. When we work in tune with our preferences, we are more in flow and we can make better use of our energy, or even get more! Pay attention to your energy levels over the holidays. Observe them in your kids and your partner as well; for example, do they need time alone or with others to recharge? As you notice what feels good for you, do a little more of that. If there isn’t enough of it, think about what you loved as a child and do some of that. Soak up the summer, recharge and enjoy. You deserve it.
If you’re interested in finding out more about your preferences and how understanding them could improve your relationships or coaching in general contact Christine at: coach@chrisalyst.com or on 07896 883636. Mums coaching packages start at £299 for a 3-month programme with full support.
For more on MBTI see: https://www.myersbriggs.org/type-use-for-everyday-life/psychological-type-and-relationships/